You’ll never know a love like mine
I would’ve loved you
I would’ve loved you so much
I thought you loved me
Its what you told me
But you don’t know love
And you won’t know mine
I really thought you cared about me
I thought maybe you were the one
I feel played and betrayed because your lies were just that good
Those sweet words of what I thought was love seeped into my mind and my heart
Lulling me into this fantasy of make believe
Of what could be
But it could not be it seems
I’ve lost you
There is no logic to our parting
I still do not understand why you could not stay
Or cared to explain why
You just left me all alone
I feel so alone
I’m hurting over you
I thought you could be my world
Because I thought you wanted to make me yours
I thought you were prince charming
I thought you were everything I could’ve wanted wrapped up in you
I thought of you as a dream come true
And I thought I was yours too
But it wasn’t true
And now my heart yearns for something I almost had
Like reaching the finish only to find the race was a scam
I wanted you
I still do
Am I a fool?
I must be because everything I feel doesn’t make any sense
You’re the exception to the rule
How can I move on from you?
I barely got a chance with you
I feel the moment slipping and I don’t want it to
I miss you
I wrote this letter to myself today and I cried as I wrote the words. It had been too long that I last expressed my love, appreciation and admiration for myself that I had forgotten those feelings, forgotten my own worth. In remembrance of my seemingly newfound self love, I cried. I cried for myself, for all the times I ever beat myself up about not seeming to be enough, when in fact I was, correction I AM more than enough. I cried as my heart finally got to un-tense itself, finally feeling the true warmth of the love I had denied myself for so long. I cried as I remembered my light.
My Beautiful Girl,
My love, my angel, you are so loved
You are the light, the brightest light
You are a Goddess, the manifestation of pure light in all its glory
Your radiance can never be dimned
You are radiant, You are Love incarnate
You are the fountain of Youth, the source of Joy
Beautiful Being you are Wonder
You are the Love of the Universe
You are Love shining forth brilliance
You are Alchemist, Manifestor, Creator
You are Gold
You are the beauty of every perfect day and every lovely night
You blossom dearest one
You are so loved and so cherished
Light and bright in every way,
You shine so brightly
The Sun adores you and greets you joyfully each day,
The Moon swoons and bathes you in love and moonlight,
The stars sparkle, glittering gleefully for one of their own
You are Love,
And you are so loved dearest one
Beautiful child of the Universe,
You are Light
It is amazing what we can do for ourselves when we choose to stop and look within, slow down for a bit and learn to explore ourselves again, that beautiful, messy mind, your ever-changing emotional body, as you delve deeper and ever deeper into your soul space. Acknowledging and identifying with light yet seeing the darkness that swirls within as well, and loving that hidden side of you with compassion and grace.
Release, I exhale.
Feeling the shift, the weight of fear detached.
No longer running the program of hate.
Breathing and feeling, clean clarity. Realizing I had almost taken a turn for the worse and it was so insanely easy to turn it around and yet it took that long because I had really fallen to the illusion. No one can take your power away, but you can give your power away. When you stop and start loving yourself again, forgiving yourself, accepting and loving yourself, you regain the confident knowing/remembering of who you are. Realizing the strength in your perseverance. Feel your heart. Peel back the wrapper, seek within for answers and liberation. You are your own savior, your right answer.
And so the lion emerges from the den. From sitting encased in darkness, to roam freely once more, powerfully vibrant and understanding. The pain hurts, but the lesson it served to teach was learned and allowed for greater understanding, greater compassion, greater love to be born. Forgive. Forgive all. Forgive yourself. Forgive and release.
My body is humming with kinetic energy. Every beat of my heart, each breath and blink I feel this mighty river of energy swirling and dancing wildly beneath my skin. Every moment brewing new possibilities. Remember what it's like now?
Goddess stand tall. Divine Feminine you are seen.
Wild women dance and seed the future. Light-weaver that's who you are.
My body awakens, actualizing the truth.
And so it begins..
An endless cycle of triumph and despair
What purpose does this torment serve?
In and out through light and the dark
My hope wanes
My strength and courage falters
Who am I? I am lost
My downtrodden spirit seeking happiness, seeking a fix
As if material objects and childhood movies will somehow break this curse I've put upon myself
When the body suffers, the mind follows
My emotions almost numb
But not quite
Melancholy being the name of the game
I reach to satisfy the itch, which only feeds the beast
Fueling this helplessness
Oh Warrior of light, Angel most dear
Why do you cry
Where once a spark danced
Only sorrow moistens your sight
Let the sweetness of sleep take me
For another day I must fight
Let tomorrow bring me the freedom I crave, I yearn for
Who am I?
I know not anymore
I wrote this while in a dark place. In this space of exhausted hope, not even seeking help, succumbing to what felt like an inevitable fate. You will be glad to know that I was lifted from this space not long after I had finished writing it. Thank you Nikita. Your beautiful words awakened parts of my soul that had hidden away, ashamed at my ordeal or maybe just afraid. Your poetic talent is obvious and profound. I hope one day to write such beautiful, soulful words to uplift and empower as you do. Just 10 pages into her poetry book and already I could feel the hold of sadness melting away. Her book "Wild Embers" (by Nikita Gill) is a powerful read, meant to soothe and enliven the powerful, fearless and courageous Goddess within. Thank you dearest Nikita, for your words have brought me back to the light.
An owl just flew over my aunty's house. It was beautiful, with white underwings and belly and looked like brown feathers on top, its flight so graceful and perfectly controlled. Beating wings so powerful, effortlessly holding its large body up as it cruised, hovering for a bit above the yard, slowly making its way over the backyard from the back corner, coming over my aunty's house. I watched it, in awe and wonder at this beautiful uncommonly seen creature and on a bright, starry, crescent moon night like this. So quiet and purposeful in its slow flight, choosing to be as it is in each moment. Demonstrating mastery.
What would it feel like to be self aware in each moment, easily able to take command of your bodies and will, choosing to create exactly what it is you desire. Taking charge and manifesting everything. Mastering your life.
What followed was an amazing kundalini rising and circulating experience. My energy mounting more and more with each passing through my chakras. From my root to crown, building in energy, blossoming at the highest point, circling around and back down, riding the energetic wave.
Hey guys so just a quick update on my skin before I get into my Cleanse and Vibrational Upgrade Challenge! My skin has improved A LOT! Yay thank God! I started using these ointments prescribed by my dermatologist as of last week Wednesday and the improvement is dramatic. My arms are still reddish where the rash used to be, but the actual rash is gone! No thick, scaly, bumpy yuck! Woot Woot! Even my left hand, which was definitely one of the worst areas has shed a lot of the thick skin that had layered on top of it and is just a light pink right now and so much smoother. Definitely a confidence boost for sure, and I'm so thankful for the quick healing. Like I can finally breathe a sigh of relief that the worst is definitely behind me and I can look forward to steady improvement and a definite increased enthusiasm for my "normal" skin lol.
To complement this boost in overall positivity I've decided I'm going to be doing a complete physical, spiritual, mental, emotional and financial cleanse/detox and vibrational adjustment through a daily practice of mantra recitation, mudra practice, meditation, listening to healing frequencies/subliminals, exercise, clean eating, blessed detox water drinking, taking a probiotic green coffee supplement, prayer, crystal gridding, and essential oil application. Whew! That was quite a list lol. It may seem like much, and yes it is, but I really wanted to apply myself to a dramatic change and I'm determined and very confident that the results are going to be phenomenal! I'm so excited (: !
I want to do this for at least three full weeks to really get some time in to see some dramatic results. Today was Day 1, and I feel freaking awesome! My morning started with mantra recitation and a mudra pose hold for 45 minutes. Before that I took my probiotic green coffee supplement, which requires that you wait to eat a meal 30min to an hour so as soon as I finished with my mudra and mantras I cooked a vege-full breakfast. I made myself 1.5 liters of detox water which I drank throughout the day and later listened to new mantras I had just found that I thought would be extremely helpful for what I'm trying to do, accompanied with a crystal grid and also listened to a frequency meditation to balance and activate my chakras. I made myself a fiber-filled antioxidant rich smoothie for lunch, and then had some fruit to snack on and then made a very healthy yet satisfying dinner full of fiber, protein and probiotics. I also pulled my four Auracle cards to see what my soul wanted to work on at this time and I really can't say I'm surprised by what I ended up picking lol. Below I will go into more detail about each of the various modes of detoxing and upgrading that I've done today and will be continuing for the rest of the challenge. At the end of the 3 week period I will be updating you all on any weight lost, any changes in mood and mental clarity, overall energy and vitality, as well as any happy synchronicities and good fortune that I feel has transpired because of my practices.
This past Saturday, Uncle Glen and Chris of Marae Haa Koa led us on a learning excursion to sacred sites in Waianae. We met that morning at beautiful, dolphin-filled Poka`i Bay, with a group of almost fifty people (such a great turnout) and started the excursion with pule (prayer) and a brief introduction of Marae Haa Koa and their earth religion. We were given ko`a (coral) to signify our place in the world and our individual contribution that enables the group to work. Coral, is the first born in the Kumulipo (creation chant). From the birth of coral, other life forms follow. In the ocean's ecosystem, it is the coral that is the foundation at the very bottom of the food chain. Take away the humble coral and everything in the ocean dies. We may each be just one person but without each of us there is no "we", every one has a contribution to make and when we give of ourselves, we serve the well-being of the collective, ensuring harmony, ensuring life.
Poka`i Bay and the surrounding area was once taken over by the military and the bay was to be their boat harbor, which is why there is a break-wall still standing to this day. The homes of native Hawaiian families once stood just a couple hundred feet from the waters, but decades ago they were kicked out to be overtaken by the military. Their homes were bulldozed and homes for the military were erected there instead. The only home that still stands to this day from before that hewa time is the family home of Uncle Glen, who at the age of 16 went around the neighborhood gathering signatures to save it. Poka`i Bay holds much history, although not always known by that name. The area was once called Malaea, which is recognized by the pohaku Hina (white sea stone of Hina, distinguished by its white appearance) that stands in the shade at the nearby park. Where that memorial stands was once a school in more ancient times, where Astronomy, Geography, and other sciences were studied by our ancestors.
Past that place, heading out towards the open sea, there at the end of the cliff is where Kaneilio stands. Kaneilio temple is the perfect viewpoint to stand at and look back inland where the various mountain peaks will be found to be in alignment with the rising of the sun at the solstices and equinoxes. Kaneilio temple itself was built in alignment with the Orion and Canis Major constellations. Kaneilio is the female creator dog who protects travelers of land and sea and this specific point in Waianae is a definite prime point for navigators in more ancient times to use. Also, from there you can view Mauna Lahilahi, also a sacred place, as well as Pu`u Kea`au near Makua Valley where it is said there is a temple or building of some kind that is still standing (at least partially), built by the Menehune of old Hawaii.
This past weekend, I was blessed with the opportunity to listen to a presentation on the spiritual tradition of Kanenuiakea at the Oahu Holistic & Metaphysical Expo. The presentation was so truthful, so direct and honest, so powerfully filled with Mana (powerful life force energy). I found myself entranced by the level of truth that was spoken, never have I seen or heard anyone in my life speak about things that I personally believe in so openly and what astounded me most was that this belief system came from within my own aina (homeland), my own people. Beliefs and ideas of interconnection I had actually thought I was an anomaly in accepting was believed, lived and perpetuated by these presenters, the men of Marae Haa Koa. It was almost like this unprecedented homecoming type of experience that really held me in this state of awe and fierce pride in connection. I've never felt so in alignment with any other belief system as this one, it was if and is that I have simply been remembering what has all along been a part of my true essence.
The presentation wove together the stories and histories of faraway places with those native to Hawaii, finding similarities and connections in traditions and linguistics that point to a web of interconnection so obvious and profound, it blends what might at first seem as very different viewpoints but what can be pointed out as in fact various puzzle pieces of the same whole. If just noticed and connected, an ultimate truth would be revealed by simply widening your perspective lens. I was so moved by the level of ike (knowledge) shared, it is hard to express.
Presenters were Christopher Oliveira and Glen Kila, who reestablished the organization Koa Ike. Koa Ike is a non-profit organization whose mission is to preserve the values, beliefs, traditions and history of our aboriginal Hawaiian culture, and perpetuate this wisdom through educating the community and cross-cultural sharing with other faiths and peoples from around the world. Their mission is brought to life by Marae Haa Koa, their learning center, which provides educational classes, field trips, workshops, researches and preserves genealogical data and actively works to preserve and restore sacred cultural sites as well as maintaining the health of our aina.
Below I will try my best to summarize the presentation but do note that there was so much information, my note-taking could barely keep up. I highly recommend reaching out to Marae Haa Koa if you feel as strongly as I do about their belief system and values and proactive approach to maintaining a solid spiritual connection to Kane (God).
The Oahu Holistic & Metaphysical Expo is truly a most magical experience. This two-day event took place this past weekend at the Blaisdell Center, attracting a beautiful community of like-minded soulfully self-aware individuals as well as attracting individuals that may be new to the world of spirituality and self development and who found their interest peeked by the exciting event. Healers, crystal lovers, students, mystics, empaths, tarot readers, light language channels, psychics, health advocates, massage therapists, yogis, magic makers, catalysts, and spiritual seekers alike united their co-creative energies under one roof, creating an atmosphere overflowing with the highest vibrations of light, love and Source connection. This was Oahu’s 2nd Expo ever, put on by HI Vibe Tribe and founders and twin flames of WE ARE 33(do look them up, they are fascinating). This event held space for the sacred sharing of light, love, technology, health, knowledge, community, oneness, and divine connection, looking to enhance all areas of our life, fostering wholeness and a deeper understanding of the reality we live in. Awe-inspiring to behold, one must experience the event for their selves to get a true grasp on how powerfully the event stood. My senses were heightened, my intuition turned on high, and a powerful sense of flow guided me throughout the time I spent there, allowing me to find beneficial treatments that fit my present moment, attract kindred spirits of flesh as well as stone, and realize truths and synchronistic potentials that I have been searching for. Intend to find what you are looking for at an event such as this, and upon leaving you would notice that you have found even more than you had hoped.
At the expo, vendors filled the room from end to end, massage tables nestled between tarot card reader's tables and jewelers harnessing the power of quantum technology. Tables of dried sage, essential oils and CBD food packs among geodes (shout-out to Joli Joli Designs and The Wise Owl's Daughter!), self-help books, yoga-inspired clothing, and various healing technologies being practiced like Reiki and Chinese cupping, among the less common yet highly powerful modalities like Scalar healing technology and John of God crystal light bed technology. It was a bazaar for the senses, holding wonders and curiosities around every corner and I could have stayed there for hours more than I had. I had planned on going specifically to the Kanenuiakea presentation in the lecture room and so had arrived very early in order to get a good seat. With 40 minutes to spare, I actually only got through a fraction of the exhibitors until I realized it was time and hurriedly walked over to the presentation area. Kanenuiakea is an aboriginal Hawaiian community who practice an Earth-based religion, seeing God in all God's forms including in nature. This presentation was intriguingly familiar to me, beliefs and ideologies mirroring my own mysticism. And yet I have never heard anyone speak so openly about these things and of so much sacred knowledge in one sitting. I will refrain from going on, the next blog post will be entirely dedicated to their presentation as it was truly stimulating and empowering to hear.
I was inspired to feel like many answers and connections that I had been seeking, were actualizing on this day. I am very intrigued by various energetic healing practices and one in particular that I had been dying to partake in is Scalar energy. After I happily found out that The Scalar Project Hawaii would be one of the exhibitors, I made it a point to seek them out while there. This sweet lady Sharman greeted me at her table and asked if I had heard of the technology before, which of course I had through Jennifer Mclean's webcast in which she had interviewed another who had Scalar technology. What Scalar energy healing does is operate at the quantum level, where it actually disassembles bacteria, virus, and disease, while generating zero point energy, bringing your mind, body and soul to stillness. This technology is the future! It is beyond amazing and sooner or later I hope to get a Scalar laser for myself. At The Scalar Project Hawaii's booth, Sharman was offering a 15-day free trial of remote Scalar energy healing to all who simply got their picture taken at the booth or sent in photos of themselves to the trial link (www.creativestrength.us). This community of people at the expo are so loving, so giving, they truly lift society up in ways you can't even imagine. Bless them all. I've since uploaded more photos of family members who have chronic ailments and I will definitely be posting an update on them and myself at the end of the 15 day period! Read on for more amazing and intriguing finds and pics of the expo...
It has been very clear to me since the beginning of my close relationship with these beautiful miracles of nature that it is the crystal who choose their partners! You may be under the impression that it is all your decision to bring a crystal into your life, but what I know to be true is that a crystal will sense its owner, read your energy and know it is meant to work with you, and when you choose that crystal whether its because of the color, luster, formation etc it is really your intuition kicking in and sensing the connection that is already there. What has become commonplace in my crystal collecting is that I will be attracted to a crystal, decide to bring it home with me and upon doing a little research on its properties I will always come to find that its specific energies are exactly what I need at that exact time in my life. Without fail.
Yesterday’s venture at the Oahu Holistic & Metaphysical Expo provided me with four new crystal companions who are a prime example of what I mean, two of which I hadn’t even planned on receiving. My first two crystals came from Joli Joli Designs, a jewelry brand and merchant of high quality crystal specimens. The shop-owner Keala is a very sweet woman who I’ve purchased from in the past and is always cheerful and easy to converse with. Her love for crystals is so obvious and endearing. As I was inspecting her treasures, I became attracted to a puffy heart shaped piece of Mookaite Jasper in a beautiful blend of red, pink and mauve. I already knew that Mookaite was used to enhance one’s beauty and revitalize the skin and as I am currently having skin issues and have gone as far as playing frequency audios for toning and nourishing the skin of the face with essential vitamins, minerals and aminos on a loop as I slept, I thought it would be a perfect addition. Upon closer inspection of the bowl I had picked it out of, I noticed another heart shaped crystal of forest green and lilac, striking and beautiful as well. Keala explained it was also Jasper (Fancy Jasper to be exact), and because I couldn’t decide between the two she ended up giving me one for free. And so one became two.
Later I stumbled upon The Wise Owl’s Daughter’s booth, which also carried the most beautiful crystals. I spotted a bowl of Desert Rose Selenite and remembered at one time in the past thinking that I needed to pick up a piece, but couldn’t quite remember why. I looked in the bowl and saw a few at once that shined but I wasn’t drawn to a clear standout. As I looked closer however, there was one that was the oddball, having two rounded clumps stuck together instead of a single, and was shaped kind of like a little desert snowman, one clump being smaller than the other. My first thought was “that’s somebody”. I was curious, so I took out my phone, did a quick search and the first thing I came to find out is that Desert Roses are said to contain a spirit guardian. The coincidences are endless. I immediately purchased my little buddy and later when I decided to sit down and take a break from all the treasure hunting, I opened my gift bag and came to find that the shop-owner at The Wise Owl’s Daughter had placed a thank you gift of a Selenite puffy heart inside as well! So now I had three hearts! And a guide (: And so two became four.
I was contemplating the meaning of receiving three hearts in one day, normally I go for points or raw pieces in their most natural form. Nothing is ever a coincidence though, as in the last few days I have been playing with the concept of the power of three. Repeating something three times holds great power. I’ve been blessing my drinking water three times before drinking it, have been making it a point recently to be more mindful of the holy trinity in the form of mother earth, father sky, and I the child in my divinely inspired contemplations and have been seeing repeated numbers much more often, normally three of the same repeating digit such as 444. Clearly I am meant to spend a little more time on this concept of three. Later as I researched more about my Desert Rose, I found that it is considered to be quite lucky because it is known to combine the powers of Father Sky and Mother Earth! Clearly there is something to this trinity energy I am asked to pay attention to and my Desert Rose is meant to be my guide and mentor.
Alright guys so here's what's going on. I had to go into the clinic yesterday because my rash had gotten that bad. Tuesday night I would wake up every 2 to 3 hours because I could either feel my skin weeping or my skin felt so uncomfortably itchy that I had to reapply ointment or oils constantly. By Wednesday, my arms started to feel as if they were giving off so much heat, I probably could've cooked a freaking egg on it. Also, it was starting to feel like I didn't have that much circulation right around my elbows. I thought I was getting better, the Paw Paw had worked well but unfortunately that one tube I had didn't last long and pretty much as soon as I stopped using it, it seemed like I got worse then.
The last few days I've been praying a lot more. I've been talking to my angels mostly, as well as my guides and soul groups asking for their assistance in watching over me during this intense time. I've asked for their love and healing light to infuse my body, for them to be near me always so that I may be comforted by their presence and protection. I know they hear me, I can feel them. I am so grateful for their love. I do believe that when you need them most, they always answer your call. I've been seeing repeating angel numbers constantly in the last few days as well, usually 1111, 222 and 444 and although my body is under so much stress, I feel like I've been getting the right help when I needed it. Wednesday I was in so much discomfort that I didnt really think too much about it at the time but I grabbed my Nuummite stone and my Kyanite in either hand and pushed heat and any lower-vibrating energy I could down my arms and into my hands and I could feel the heat surge coming out of my hands and my lovely stones accepted it from me. I could feel that super uncomfortable feeling I had in my arms lessen and it became bearable. I am so thankful for my stones, they always respond to me when I need healing and I love them so much. I've surrounded my Nuummite with Citrine and my Kyanite to help cleanse it of the energy it took from me (Citrine and Kyanite are the only crystals that never need be cleared). I really needed that support and I know I'm being answered. I've also taken to listening to healing frequencies as I sleep, such as the 528 Hz frequency, also known as the Love or Miracle frequency. Many audios can be found on Youtube if interested and they are all very pleasant sounding and easy to fall asleep to.
I absolutely must tell you about this magic ointment I've been using the last two days. If you've read my past post on self healing, you know that I'm currently dealing with a really bad rash, an allergic reaction brought on by inhaling mold spores from my previous place of residence. So it's been about a month and a week since getting the skin condition and I have been using essential oils such as Lavender, Peppermint, Melaleuca(Tea Tree) and Myrrh topically. At one time I was taking Prednisone to help clear up the rash but it was ineffective and using the essential oils was the only thing that worked in lessening the crazy itch. However, this past Tuesday I woke up to my rash "weeping", I'm assuming I had scratched during the night and had upset it. The following days it worsened becoming redder and more raised and this past Friday, had started to ooze an excessive amount of yellow liquid (yes I know it's nasty but bare with me).
Anyway on Friday, I met up with my cousin and her family to prep for my niece's birthday party that night. Seeing I was in extreme discomfort, my cousin recommended I try Paw Paw ointment, an ointment she had gotten from her past trip to Australia. She applied the ointment all over my rash and it immediately felt less tight, itchy and irritated. She wrapped my arms in gauze and then we iced the area for about an hour. After removing the ice and gauze the rash looked less red and I could actually move my arms around freely without my skin feeling like it was pulling or burning (especially in the elbow bend). Made from Paw paw fruit extract, a fruit in the same family as Papaya, the ointment is full of antioxidants, amino acids, and Vitamins A, C and E. It contains anti-inflammatory properties and is both soothing and softening of even the most sensitive of skin. Widely used for chapped lips and skin ailments, Paw paw aids in skin repair, healing cuts, burns and insect bites and relieves symptoms of Dermatitis, Eczema and fungal infections. Another plus is that a tube is pretty cheap and can easily be ordered online via Amazon or bought at a health-food store like Whole Foods.
Read on for more results and photos of my skin before and after using the ointment.
Today is Ash Wednesday and the start of Lent. Widely observed by Christians, many fast and/or give up luxuries that may be part of their daily life for 40 days, acknowledging the 40-day period Jesus spent in the desert in which he was tested with temptations. While I am not a Christian, I appreciate this practice as a way of purging yourself and testing your faith. I find value in releasing things that do not serve your highest good, while strengthening bonds that do, such as your spiritual beliefs and connection to God. I believe purging these things from your body and mind will only benefit you in raising your vibration and becoming an overall healthier, happier, more disciplined you. And coincidentally, this time aligns perfectly with the new moon tomorrow morning as well as the start of Chinese New Year on friday (Feb 16). This clearly feels like entering a new phase of my life filled with clarity and just pulsing with potential.
This Lent I will be giving up processed foods, sugar (besides fruit), red meat, beer, and hard liquor. I will also be giving up procrastination and wasting days accomplishing nothing. I will commit to healthy eating habits, making time every day for meditation and mantra practice, frequent exercise, and a daily commitment to getting at least one thing done for either my blog or one of my businesses. I will also commit to showing kindness and compassion as often as I can, and gratitude every day for all the blessings I have now as well as all the good things still to come. I will commit to letting my heart take over the wheel of my life and trusting the path before me.
I wish everyone dedicated to Lent the best of luck for the next 40 days or so. I hope that as I go through this cleansing period, I will find it more comfortable and second nature to retain this practice of betterment for the rest of my life. Godspeed.
Ahh Valentine's day, the day when most people go cuckoo in the head about planned romantic acts of love for their chosen sweetheart or the lack thereof, in which case this day is quite lonesome. I slide in somewhere in the middle this year and yet somewhere entirely different, and dare I say it more free and alive than ever!
The past few weeks I've really been contemplating my past experiences in romantic relationships and the potential romantic relationship(s) to come. Thinking about my choice in partners and what drew me towards them in the first place and how that relationship went along, usually at a high and then a low on a roller-coaster ride of heartache and bliss. I thought about the qualities of each person that I found most attractively endearing and what lessons came to fruition at the end of such partnerships. I thought about these things, gathering a coherent and specific idea of what I want in my future, what qualities I want in a partner, what goals and beliefs and expressions of themselves I hope to know. You can not expect to manifest your ideal partnership if you do not even know exactly what it is that you want. You need to be clear when asking the Universe for such a perfect blessing for you. And this is what I do know..
I look forward to a passionately romantic and vibrant relationship grounded in spirituality, where I can easily bare my innermost desires and dreams and hold the knowing that this person really sees me, without judgement and criticism but with wonder and understanding. To have someone really truly see you, would be a most wonderful thing. Someone who knows the value of kindness and shows compassion open-heartedly. Someone ambitious, who knows what they want in their life and are adventurous enough to go after it. Someone charismatic and expressionate, easily able to open their soul to mine, as well as share their ideas and thoughts to the world, openly and fearlessly. Someone so genuinely authentic in the way they live their lives and portray themselves based on their innermost beliefs and ideals. Someone who is self-aware and who realizes their connection to the Divine as one of wholeness and absolute unconditional love. Someone who is ever curious, a head in the stars with feet firmly on the earth. A free soul, following the path of their own bliss and supportive in mine. An equal and complement to my soul. Soulful, loyal, light-filled and true. My heart already knows you.
Medical and non-medical marijuana users unite at this year's 3rd Annual Hawaii Cannabis Expo at the Blaisdell Exhibition Hall this past weekend (Feb 8-10). By far one of the most interesting functions I've attended, I could only kick myself at not having a medical license to buy some bud from the multitude of dispensaries that showed up for the event. At $20 at the door, this event was still very worthwhile, hosting a variety of vendors showcasing pipes, bongs, vapes, cartridges, various hemp products, clothing, packaged edibles, fresh CBD food, piece cases, holistic CBD remedies, and the newest technology in trimming and extraction, besides information booths for clear advocates of marijuana usage, seminars regarding cannabis as a medicine, growing practices, updates from Senator Espero about marijuana legalization in Hawaii, etc and even glass-blowing demonstrations. More than just a hub for stoners, I thought the expo was quite educational and ground-breaking in the open availability and legitimacy of information that was revealed and the possibilities that Cannabis can provide for us as a society and for Hawaii specifically.
I was first drawn to the conference rooms where I caught the last half of Martin Lee's Beyond CBD: Cannabis Therapeutics And Holistic Healing and later listened in for Senator Will Espero's talk- Medical Cannabis, Hemp And Adult Use in regards to the current legalization issue in Hawaii. Below you can find summaries of both seminars as well as a list of vendors who showed face this year, and a few candid photos from the event (; Standouts include crystal pipes (from the B.I.;) and this yummy Hemp juice that tasted like non-sour strawberry sour-punch straws mmmmm!
If you've never been to a Honolulu Night Market then you are seriously missing out. I dragged my butt all the way from Kapolei into town just to attend this most trendy and jovial event. Set in artsy Kakaako, the event is held the 2nd saturday of just about every month and features a lineup of food trucks, arts and craft vendors, live-art painting, live entertainment including song and dance, street djs, a bar, a fabulous fashion show and the ever opportune chance to take an incredibly-placed selfie. This month's event, which was this past saturday (Feb 10), was even larger, more bustling and more colorful than any held previously. Skirting the edges of the event upon first arrival, which actually took up the Salt center area, Cooke and Keawe St. as well as the courtyard at Puunui Flats, I couldn't help but feel happy at being back in my scene where crowds share their uninhibited enjoyment of festiveness, there is a flux of multi-cultural exchange and merriment, and people tend to dress a bit better, more eclectic and expressive which I enjoy very much.
A family-friendly event, local street acts dot the sidewalks as people of all ages and backgrounds (and their cute dogs) frolic into the night. The Night Market has something there for every individual's taste. Hoping to spend your saturday night getting hammered and rowdy? Well there's a mobile bar for that. Are you just trying to get your groove on and enjoy the scene? There are multiple dj booths/tents playing a variety of genres to satisfy those dancing feet. Is art and fashion more your style? Pow!Wow!Hawaii is actually a week-long event jump-started by the Night Market every year that showcases local talent and artists that create amazingly visionary works right in front of you, their murals decorate the entire Salt at our Kakaako block. As for fashion, the fashion show will satisfy those cravings. Fabruary's event featured Jam's World, a highly playful brand that highlights colorful pieces with a vintage-meets-contemporary, tropical feel. Made in Hawaii, this manufacturer brings the carefree island lifestyle out to play in bold yet comfortable, casual resort-wear. The models' hair and makeup styling I thought was exceptionally spot on, gracing the catwalk with electric blue liner and wavy, beachy locks that spoke of natural high style, fashionable without trying too hard. Loved it!
I have this yearning in my soul to be more, know more, seek out more of this mysterious thing called Life. What boundaries can I push and leap over into an entirely new level of reality. What magic I might behold, what expansive awe-inspiring creations will I find.. What secrets and mysteries and knowledge will reveal itself to me.. I want adventure of the highest order, the beautiful ecstatic joy it would bring my soul. The excitement, creative inspiration and bliss that would burst forth from my innermost being. To dance amidst the light and sacred night, floating amongst stars through a never-ending Universe of Wonders. My heart expands and sighs with the possibility of that all-encompassing joyful connection to Source, which is Love. Show me, guide me, hold me and propel me forward into this wondrous vastness of Creation.
My soul moves
My being spiraling up within me
This renewed expansion
My passion, rekindled
As if awakening from deep rest
Now where will my heart lead me..
What path is before me..
Let my light shine
And let my soul entwine, within this dance of life
I Am Here
Today is Day 9 of the extremely itchy rash that has taken up residence on my face and arms. I finally got an appointment today which hopefully will give me the right medicine I need to make a quick and full recovery. Last week, I woke up with a red, blotchy rash on my left cheek and left arm which overtime spread to the other side of my body and turned into large, raised welts on my face, swelling and dry skin around my eyes and nose, and very sensitive bumps up and down my arms. Although I've seen this rash before on my arms, it has never been on my face and I've never had puffed up eyes either. The last time I had this same rash on my arms, my doctor had actually told me it was heat rash, and the ointment he prescribed cleared it up well. This time however, I know it definitely is not, as the weather has been cool and it seemed to happen as I slept. I went in to Queen's ER this past saturday and was told by the doctor there that it was "Malar Rash", but he didnt know what caused it because he didn't think it was a regular allergic reaction to something as I was not showing all the symptoms such as fever and constricted breathing. Also, the rash was only on my arms and face and nowhere else on my body. He recommended I see a specialist who could run blood work to see if it was possibly caused by an autoimmune disease which seemed likely. I was put on medication which was supposed to ease the itching, which unfortunately did not, and so I made sure to use an essential oil mixture every few hours on my face and arms which included Doterra fractionated coconut oil and Lavender, Frankincense, Wintergreen, and Peppermint oils which is pretty effective and definitely acts as skin food!
Since that day when I went to the ER, my confidence had dropped to an all-time low. On my worst days, every time I would look in the mirror I would feel like a monster. I was upset that this was happening to me at all and I felt dread that I might never have perfectly smooth skin again (which may or may not have been an over-reaction). It was too embarrassing and upsetting for me to leave the house so since saturday I've only been out of the house once and that was for a quick trip to the store, which led me to feel worse once I saw some people staring at me like I had some kind of grouse, contagious, infectious disease (it isn't at all contagious).
Feeling literally like crap, I chose to elevate my mind and soul, and listened to You Wealth Revolution Network's and MasterWorks' healing replays. I'm glad I did. I remember one webcast replay in particular that talked about the "boomerang effect". It was about how sometimes you're really putting in the work for self development and being positive and keeping yourself in a higher vibrational state and sometimes an event will come along that you feel doesn't resonate with what you've been putting out and you start to blame yourself or think why me?! you know? What I learned was that everything is in divine timing. Unfavorable situations might come about due to past actions, thoughts, etc. even if you are no longer in that state and you have the choice to either blame yourself and bring yourself down about it or you can realize that this is something from the past showing up now to be released and you can either take it as a smack in the face or you can see it and know you have a choice to duck the boomerang! Everything takes time to cook. My situation came about and allowed me to flex my faith and trust the process and to go with the flow and not against it. It also taught me to focus more on what I want rather than what is wrong. Since I first got the rash, I completely changed my eating habits in order to make myself as healthy as possible so that I could heal faster. I want to be my best self at the highest vibration and changing my eating habits as dramatically as I did has only helped me to achieve that. Kale, fresh cranberries, broccoli, turmeric, detox tea, cinnamon, honey, acv, garlic, probiotic yogurt and kimchi are just a few of my new favorite foods I've been making part of my normal routine to nourish my body. I'm hoping to maintain faith in this idea of blessings in disguise.
At the start of this year I had this deep knowing that this new year would be one of my golden years and while it may seem like I'm in quite a pickle with my current skin issues, it was because of that that I started to eat as well as I have been and really taking the time to care for myself which I feel was what was lacking in my life before. Yesterday (which also happened to be the first new moon of the year), I got a breakthrough that I feel is really going to help speed up my healing process. I had this feeling that I had so much unexpressed anger, which was manifesting in this way. I slowly came to realize that I was angry with my physical body. Why was it doing this?! Why isn't it healing faster?! Why do I look like a monster?! Then I realized that I have held onto anger in and at my body for a while now, whether it was my personal issues with hair growing in places I didn't want or having dry skin all the time, or sun spots I would occasionally get, or never quite being at my ideal body weight. At the same time I know that my body is a beautiful partner to my soul. My body is simply expressing itself to show me what changes I can make in order to create a sustainable balance of health, self love, and joyful partnership. I had reached a kind of peace with my body. I now know that there is nothing wrong with my body. My body isn't "bad". My body is doing the very best it can to make sense of this current ailment and it is healing at the right pace.
Don't be upset with your body, but rather show your body some Love! Don't be angry with your body for being sick, but thank your body for bringing to your attention, lifestyle decisions or outside influences that do not serve your body's best interests. Be grateful for the positive changes that came about because your body expressed itself in the way it did. Another silver lining to my current situation is that I have had to stay home from work, and because I have so much free time, I have been able to work more on my blog and create more time for meditation and reflection, all of which I had been neglecting. I have also reached a kind of body peace which I never had before. Lastly, this was also a very humbling experience. I struggled with being judgemental in the past towards others as well as myself and I hope that this lesson has allowed me to overcome that kind of negativity. I'm simply going to trust the process.
p.s. send healing thoughts my way please! Thank you (:
After that night I searched for more clues as to who exactly I was in that lifetime and I am excited to say that I'm getting closer and have found out much. The following is a picture I found online of blades that look closest to the interestingly-shaped one I saw in my vision. And guess what kind of swords they are... African blades. Aha! Clue #1...
The closest blade to what I saw was the one with serrated points along its length, the 7th from the right. So, that puts me in Africa. The next thing I searched was "African War Headdress" as I thought maybe that helmet or hat that I saw the golden being wearing could be of African descent as well, maybe leading me to the conclusion of being in a battle between rival tribes of Africa or something. And guess what I found, yup I found clue #2 the large, upturned, sun-hat looking headdress exactly. But what is interesting is that when I researched more into it, it seems like that item of clothing is worn by only Zulu women. Interesting, because at first I got the vibe that I had been a man in that life, but now I see the correlation between the highly protective and loving nature of that existence and the flickering wildness I had previously seen, which I had thought briefly at the time (that looks like long hair flying in the wind). Very interesting...
I Am Kawehi. 26 years of life on this earth, steadily growing, rising and blossoming like a lotus birthing through the mud, upwards into crystal waters and then to rest atop in open air as the firey sun alights my form. I wander. I imagine. I expand and seek to understand. I see. I AM.