An endless cycle of triumph and despair
What purpose does this torment serve?
In and out through light and the dark
My hope wanes
My strength and courage falters
Who am I? I am lost
My downtrodden spirit seeking happiness, seeking a fix
As if material objects and childhood movies will somehow break this curse I've put upon myself
When the body suffers, the mind follows
My emotions almost numb
But not quite
Melancholy being the name of the game
I reach to satisfy the itch, which only feeds the beast
Fueling this helplessness
Oh Warrior of light, Angel most dear
Why do you cry
Where once a spark danced
Only sorrow moistens your sight
Let the sweetness of sleep take me
For another day I must fight
Let tomorrow bring me the freedom I crave, I yearn for
Who am I?
I know not anymore
I wrote this while in a dark place. In this space of exhausted hope, not even seeking help, succumbing to what felt like an inevitable fate. You will be glad to know that I was lifted from this space not long after I had finished writing it. Thank you Nikita. Your beautiful words awakened parts of my soul that had hidden away, ashamed at my ordeal or maybe just afraid. Your poetic talent is obvious and profound. I hope one day to write such beautiful, soulful words to uplift and empower as you do. Just 10 pages into her poetry book and already I could feel the hold of sadness melting away. Her book "Wild Embers" (by Nikita Gill) is a powerful read, meant to soothe and enliven the powerful, fearless and courageous Goddess within. Thank you dearest Nikita, for your words have brought me back to the light.
Dark Matter by Nikita Gill
There is grace in the way
the sinews of your ribcage
contain this heart of yours.
This magic thing in your chest
that defies science
in how many times it breaks
and brings itself back to life again.
And every time you thought it dead
love flowed through it like electricity
starting up what you thought was dead.
You spend so much time wondering,
'What gives this thing
I thought dead
the energy to start again?'
The answer lies in that 80 per cent
of your heart you have not yet channeled.
There are stars glittering inside you
that have never been handled.
This, the dark matter of you
hides an immeasurable amount of strength
and an impossible amount of energy.
It lies dormant,
solid and silent, like the 80 per cent
of space yet unexplored.
This means that when you believe you are empty
that the world has drained you completely,
there is still an impossible amount of your strength
simply awaiting discovery.
The dark matter of you,
a powerhouse of impossibility.
Which goes to show you
the resilient human heart is a thing
I Am Kawehi. 26 years of life on this earth, steadily growing, rising and blossoming like a lotus birthing through the mud, upwards into crystal waters and then to rest atop in open air as the firey sun alights my form. I wander. I imagine. I expand and seek to understand. I see. I AM.