Self Love and Self Healing
Today is Day 9 of the extremely itchy rash that has taken up residence on my face and arms. I finally got an appointment today which hopefully will give me the right medicine I need to make a quick and full recovery. Last week, I woke up with a red, blotchy rash on my left cheek and left arm which overtime spread to the other side of my body and turned into large, raised welts on my face, swelling and dry skin around my eyes and nose, and very sensitive bumps up and down my arms. Although I've seen this rash before on my arms, it has never been on my face and I've never had puffed up eyes either. The last time I had this same rash on my arms, my doctor had actually told me it was heat rash, and the ointment he prescribed cleared it up well. This time however, I know it definitely is not, as the weather has been cool and it seemed to happen as I slept. I went in to Queen's ER this past saturday and was told by the doctor there that it was "Malar Rash", but he didnt know what caused it because he didn't think it was a regular allergic reaction to something as I was not showing all the symptoms such as fever and constricted breathing. Also, the rash was only on my arms and face and nowhere else on my body. He recommended I see a specialist who could run blood work to see if it was possibly caused by an autoimmune disease which seemed likely. I was put on medication which was supposed to ease the itching, which unfortunately did not, and so I made sure to use an essential oil mixture every few hours on my face and arms which included Doterra fractionated coconut oil and Lavender, Frankincense, Wintergreen, and Peppermint oils which is pretty effective and definitely acts as skin food!
Since that day when I went to the ER, my confidence had dropped to an all-time low. On my worst days, every time I would look in the mirror I would feel like a monster. I was upset that this was happening to me at all and I felt dread that I might never have perfectly smooth skin again (which may or may not have been an over-reaction). It was too embarrassing and upsetting for me to leave the house so since saturday I've only been out of the house once and that was for a quick trip to the store, which led me to feel worse once I saw some people staring at me like I had some kind of grouse, contagious, infectious disease (it isn't at all contagious).
Feeling literally like crap, I chose to elevate my mind and soul, and listened to You Wealth Revolution Network's and MasterWorks' healing replays. I'm glad I did. I remember one webcast replay in particular that talked about the "boomerang effect". It was about how sometimes you're really putting in the work for self development and being positive and keeping yourself in a higher vibrational state and sometimes an event will come along that you feel doesn't resonate with what you've been putting out and you start to blame yourself or think why me?! you know? What I learned was that everything is in divine timing. Unfavorable situations might come about due to past actions, thoughts, etc. even if you are no longer in that state and you have the choice to either blame yourself and bring yourself down about it or you can realize that this is something from the past showing up now to be released and you can either take it as a smack in the face or you can see it and know you have a choice to duck the boomerang! Everything takes time to cook. My situation came about and allowed me to flex my faith and trust the process and to go with the flow and not against it. It also taught me to focus more on what I want rather than what is wrong. Since I first got the rash, I completely changed my eating habits in order to make myself as healthy as possible so that I could heal faster. I want to be my best self at the highest vibration and changing my eating habits as dramatically as I did has only helped me to achieve that. Kale, fresh cranberries, broccoli, turmeric, detox tea, cinnamon, honey, acv, garlic, probiotic yogurt and kimchi are just a few of my new favorite foods I've been making part of my normal routine to nourish my body. I'm hoping to maintain faith in this idea of blessings in disguise.
At the start of this year I had this deep knowing that this new year would be one of my golden years and while it may seem like I'm in quite a pickle with my current skin issues, it was because of that that I started to eat as well as I have been and really taking the time to care for myself which I feel was what was lacking in my life before. Yesterday (which also happened to be the first new moon of the year), I got a breakthrough that I feel is really going to help speed up my healing process. I had this feeling that I had so much unexpressed anger, which was manifesting in this way. I slowly came to realize that I was angry with my physical body. Why was it doing this?! Why isn't it healing faster?! Why do I look like a monster?! Then I realized that I have held onto anger in and at my body for a while now, whether it was my personal issues with hair growing in places I didn't want or having dry skin all the time, or sun spots I would occasionally get, or never quite being at my ideal body weight. At the same time I know that my body is a beautiful partner to my soul. My body is simply expressing itself to show me what changes I can make in order to create a sustainable balance of health, self love, and joyful partnership. I had reached a kind of peace with my body. I now know that there is nothing wrong with my body. My body isn't "bad". My body is doing the very best it can to make sense of this current ailment and it is healing at the right pace.
Don't be upset with your body, but rather show your body some Love! Don't be angry with your body for being sick, but thank your body for bringing to your attention, lifestyle decisions or outside influences that do not serve your body's best interests. Be grateful for the positive changes that came about because your body expressed itself in the way it did. Another silver lining to my current situation is that I have had to stay home from work, and because I have so much free time, I have been able to work more on my blog and create more time for meditation and reflection, all of which I had been neglecting. I have also reached a kind of body peace which I never had before. Lastly, this was also a very humbling experience. I struggled with being judgemental in the past towards others as well as myself and I hope that this lesson has allowed me to overcome that kind of negativity. I'm simply going to trust the process.
p.s. send healing thoughts my way please! Thank you (:
I Am Kawehi. 27 years of life on this earth, steadily growing, rising and blossoming like a lotus birthing through the mud, upwards into crystal waters and then to rest atop in open air as the firey sun alights my form. I wander. I imagine. I expand and seek to understand. I see. I AM.