This post was originally written on August 13th, 2017.
Last night August 12th, I had the most incredible experience. I sat outside on the deck to stargaze and I was about to find a webcast replay to listen to on youwealthrevolution. Normally I will find a replay description that really speaks to me and when listened to I usually find out that synchronicity led me to that piece because it was exactly what I needed at the time and then I’d be lucky to find hints at pieces of wisdom that open up different levels of understanding for and of me. However, scrolling through the replays, none really jumped out at me and when I tried to play one, all of a sudden my internet wouldn’t connect. Lol typical. So I decided to go through my itunes and listen to Jennifer McClean’s “Elevate” or her “Best of Spontaneous Transformation” sessions that I had previously bought and listened to already. I scrolled down and the session on Freedom and Spaciousness sounded nice to me and so I started on that one. A few minutes in I must’ve mistakenly pressed a button because another audio came on that was actually on a different playlist but was one of the Best of Spontaneous Transformation sessions by Jennifer- Your Emotions, Releasing Triggers and Expressing Fully. Bingo. Exactly what I needed. An issue I had been having around my emotions that was continuously affecting my life and that I was just considering- why it is that I am a naturally joyful, compassionate being and yet all too often I get easily triggered by my surroundings, thoughts, whatever, that I lash out or get really overcome with anger and hostility? Why was that? How was it that I could be holding this space for myself to really hold an intention for positive things to enter into my life yet I could easily snap into this judgemental and aggravated state of mind?
In the session, Jennifer worked with a woman named Nancy who was sexually assaulted when she was younger and so she held onto this belief of being unsafe and that showed up in her life as not dating, etc. Part of the Spontaneous Transformation Technique asks you to go into a meditation where you enter the body and go up to that place in your body where this belief/pain/trauma is held and basically you make your presence known to this aspect of yourself that is there and you just be present for them. You really listen to what this aspect has to say and you thank them for holding onto this emotion or upset because this aspect held onto it in order to protect you. It wasn’t safe at the time of the trauma to feel those feelings, and so this part of yourself protected you in this way. Going along with the process I was listening to, I found this flickering, dark wildness somewhere in my throat/head space. This wild energy that was constantly in flux.
I Am Kawehi. 26 years of life on this earth, steadily growing, rising and blossoming like a lotus birthing through the mud, upwards into crystal waters and then to rest atop in open air as the firey sun alights my form. I wander. I imagine. I expand and seek to understand. I see. I AM.