I've been given news last year from a loved one about an illness they currently struggle with. My belief was that it wasn't as bad as it sounded because it couldn't be, not for someone who I loved so dearly and who was just the best kind of person around. Kind, sweet and true. I thought that this illness could be cured by changing eating habits to healthier ones, drinking a lot of detox water and tea, being optimistic, and with occasional energy work done by myself. The last time they had gone to the doctor for test results they had come over to talk about it and as I held this person, I prayed. I truly prayed, spoke with my heart and as I prayed I visualized golden light moving throughout their body, releasing what no longer serves, what does not align with the highest vibration of health, wellness, and love, and light opening their body. I knew Michael was there, healing beside me and with me. As I did this, held them close, it felt as if the light was also moving through my body in the exact same way as it was for them and I could feel my body release, unclench itself, and I knew without a doubt that their body was responding well to the energies we were working with. When I finished I asked how they felt, and they confirmed that they did feel "lighter". With my inner sight, I could see their body glowing with soft golden light. That was about a month or two ago. Yesterday, I was told that their blood test results were the worst it's ever been, so bad in fact that another test would be taken and if confirmed, my loved one would have to schedule a surgery for dialysis.
Let me just put this into perspective. The love of my life, who dreams of working for NASA, becoming an astronaut so they could blissfully float through the universe of stars, has an almost definite possibility of that never happening, being hooked up to a machine for the rest of their life. I was in shock. I was really under the impression that that single healing had been enough. For clarification, I do still believe and know that their body had responded to the light. Much was released that day. But what was also almost as important as me knowing that the light had affected their energy, was the knowing that came over me and is as solid as the earth's foundation, that they are going to be alright. I know this. I am so sure of it because it is so. God told me so.
But when I heard this new update on their health, I panicked. I doubted for a moment. But what was just as bad if not worst of the fact that they are this sick, was how this dearly loved soul was feeling right at this moment. Scared for their life. Horrible. My heart whimpered.
This morning as I sat in my chair, I prayed to my grandmother Kawehi in heaven, to my angels, to God. I asked for guidance and courage. I asked for help and clarification on what to do now. I asked for healing and wellness for my loved one and please, because this dearest person deserves to live a happy, healthy, fulfilling life in this lifetime, with me. I asked for them to help me help him or help him to help himself, whichever was meant to be. And I asked too for faith. I chose to listen to a webcast replay of Jennifer Mclean and hoped that this time, like other incredibly synchronistic times in the past, that whichever replay I listened to would truly be meant for me in this exact time in my life. I had left a tab up on my browser for Jennifer Mclean's 5 Days of Power Healing Attunements for probably at least the last 2 weeks. When I clicked onto it and read the very first sentence of the Day 4 replay summary that appeared before me, I knew in an instant this was what I needed today. "Yep, we did it... we dissolved fear." Fear, anxiety, that which was plaguing me at that moment in time.
Jennifer Mclean's webcasts usually involve a chosen topic to be discussed so as to encourage an "unwinding" as she calls it, something for the mind to chew on so the body can relax and release, and healing guided meditations or attunements, and also live questions and answers. The session started with a discussion on a recent time when you felt fear or anxiety and went into the realization that in life, unpleasant events might happen, but it is for a purpose. You might feel stuck, or constricted and squeezed, or afraid. But what if, these events, these moments of compression, are simply "squeezing you to get the best stuff out,... turning your boat, forward onto a different path". Your soul, your universe, is pointing you into the direction that you need to go, onto the path that was meant for you. It happened because you were ready. These things that happen simply pointing out what needs to be different, where to go next. Fear, is of the mind. Fear is not knowing what's next and being afraid of the unknown. This is what I found to be key in this webcast. That the heart is unafraid of the unknown. The heart is the guide of the soul.
My heart knew this already. As I listened to her voice speaking these truths, I felt myself slip into this knowing feeling of ah, there you are. There I could feel myself slip back into my heart. As she spoke about things happening throughout your life synchronistically, leaving clues around, those things guide you to where you need to go. My thoughts turned to my grandma Kawehi, who I had never known, but whom was my namesake, and how she was a renowned healer in her time and follower of the deity Lono, Hawaiian god of agriculture, rain, and peace, (whose omens could supposedly be read in the clouds). I remembered how all throughout my life, it was as if I always knew I was special, because I always knew from my earliest child thoughts that there was something "more", something I couldn't quite put a finger on that was responding to me. How I knew as a child that whatever my heart truly desired, that which with my heart put an intention on, not my mind, had always come to me. And so I thought at that age how special and loved I was to be so favored by some higher power that things would show up for me like that. I thought of something almost silly that I used to "want out of life". Before I died, I had thought, I want to do this list of things, and one of those things was "saving someone's life". I think that what I really wanted when I had thought that, was to be of service to someone(s) in a profound way. I thought of how I felt like I had searched for my perfect other for a very long time, and had sometimes previously thought that I might never meet this person because with the world as big as it is, what if we never cross paths, and then I thought again of how loved I continue to be because God had answered my heart's desire. I thought of my prayer that I had said right before turning on the webcast and how I had asked to be shown how to help my loved one or for them to be shown how to help themselves. I thought of the healing certification course Jennifer Mclean was offering and how her work has repeatedly helped and healed me in so many ways, opening me up to see and feel more of what I already was, which was far more than I had thought. I thought of how I had wanted to pursue a career in energy healing and how I never quite had gotten started. While I had created moments of spontaneous healing within myself and a few others, I had not immersed myself in any healing practitioner courses yet. And lastly, I thought about how I had always known that my loved one, my very best friend, would be perfectly alright, and everything was going to turn out fine. Whether by my hand or theirs it didn't matter. It was by God's hands.
I'm glad I listened to Jennifer's replay. I felt parts of my body that was holding onto fear release as my mind realized what my heart already knew. I may not know what's going to happen down the road and in the very near future, but I'm not afraid to trust. I've regained my faith. I know, with firm confidence, that that night I had lain next to my dearest friend, merging my energy with theirs, seeing them glow with light, thinking that everything was and is as it should be, happening as its meant to and with nothing to worry about, that my instinctual knowing and trust would not fail me. I also really want to enroll in Jennifer's "Spontaneous Transformation Certification" course not just because I have an feeling that this could be a possible answer to health and well being for my loved one, but also because as she had said, life will steer you in the right direction, and I think it's the best time to have a little faith.
I Am Kawehi. 27 years of life on this earth, steadily growing, rising and blossoming like a lotus birthing through the mud, upwards into crystal waters and then to rest atop in open air as the firey sun alights my form. I wander. I imagine. I expand and seek to understand. I see. I AM.